My copy of CS Lewis’ A Grief Observed is highlighted and dogeared. There are sticky notes stuck between the pages and this tiny volume now looks more like a fan than a book. It is one of those books I return to even when I’m not opening the pages. This is something so true that he share in mourning the depth of love after his wife died.
Again, it feels like there is so much to grieve. Terrible things have happened that we cannot figure out how to explain to our children. Again, it feels impossible that this is the world that we inhabit. Our hearts race to every other brokenness. There is too much.
I wanted to create a space for these all too familiar spirals of grief. CS Lewis observes that nothing “stays put” in grief. He writes, “One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?”
It is too easy to get stuck in this spiral. It can feel more like a maze where the walls prevent movement than a labyrinth without any obstacles. When everything feels up in the air again, we need simple practices to find our center and remember the towering figures of our heritage for inspiration and encouragement in our own Christian pilgrimage including those saints within our own families.
This personal practice centered on four movements is designed to take 15 or 20 minutes to observe during the day on November 1 or 2 when the church celebrates All Saints Day and All Souls Day. For this brief meditation, you will need a candle, something to make fire, a pen and paper.
Seated in a comfortable position, take a deep breath slowly. Breathe in and out.
Begin by placing your hands before you with your palms reaching to the heavens. Let them hover in space before you or cradle them in your lap as you notice the lines on each palm. Notice the places where life has cut your fingers or where callouses have hardened your tender flesh. Breathe through the spiral of these thoughts and with your hands still held open, state your intention to be open to all that God might reveal in this time of prayer and reflection.
Set your candle before you on a table or on the floor. You have already noticed the troubles your hands have held in blisters and blemishes but there might be more places or people where light feels hidden. Bring all of those troubles and worries to mind as you intentionally light the candle. When the candle is lit, pray these words.
Make space in your lap or next to the candle for a paper and pen. Begin on the edges or your paper drawing spirals coming out of every corner which might hint at the troubles surrounding you in the world right now or might remind you of God reaching out to hold your hands.
As you held your hands open to God’s wonder in the first movement, you might have noticed the similarities of your hands and an ancestor. Or you may have longed to hold the hands of an elder to feel their love and strength again. There may have even been the hope in your hands that you might have the courage or hope of one of the saints of God you admire so much. In the center of your page, trace your hand and mark where you need to hold the wisdom of the saints in your hand.
For example, you might long for the wisdom of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to point you in the way of justice in your pointer finger. You might want to be wedded to the gentleness of Saint Francis of Assisi in your index finger or just remember how your beloved brother pinky promised so many things that he never saw come true. Fill your hand with every bit of inspiration and hope that you need for the living of these days. Repeat this with your other hand as desired.
Releasing the pen and paper with gratitude for the wisdom that you found in your hands, flex your fingers on both hands. Wiggle each finger freely and then form each hand into a fist where you can feel your thumb wrap around your palm like a spiral.
Hold your hands tightly in these spirals to remember that your journey is held in the wisdom of these saints and that their struggle for love and peace is within your grasp. All of that love is radiating in your hands. Squeeze your fist to feel that love and release it into the world.
Extinguish the candle to close this time of meditation in the certain faith that the saints go with you, now and always.
You might find that there is more to explore in the spirals of your grief and might want to pick up a book or spend some time meditating on the saints with these activities that inspire you to hold on to what love can do.
All Saints is one of my favorite celebrations of the church year and it is only a few weeks until my other favorite comes in the first week of Advent. As this holy season approaches, I am offering an invitation to wander through these four weeks in something I’m calling Tangled Advent. This seasonal offering will only be available to paid subscribers of Prayers Threads.
If you are interested in spiritual direction and are interested in a first conversation with me, please reach out or go ahead and book an appointment here. I am currently welcoming new directees and would be delighted to explore the holy threads of this life with you.
I'm not a believer in Christianity but I am generally otherwise a believer--and that's why I like to return to you from time to time. Your messages are so accessible and intelligent and wise. Thank you xoxo