“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done,” writes C.S. Lewis in Letters to Malcolm. I stumbled upon this quote looking to something else this month. I haven’t read the book though it sounds like it’s full of this kind of brilliance and might become as annotated as my copy of A Grief Observed.
Prayer feels like a tiny thousand movements right now. It feels like a constant choice to choose this conversation with God. Again and again, I have to orient my heart toward what I pray could be in this world and in myself. For a control freak like me who wants to believe that I can do it all, this reliance stuff isn’t easy but it comes in what I choose to read and how I do the dishes. I doesn’t always feel like the pieces fit but I’m trusting that God is making something beautiful from each fragmented prayer.
When hate overwhelms, I reach for a book that will make sense of what is happening. I picked up something on my bookshelf which is beautiful but I fear it limits the Jewish experience to this one terrible thing. So I was glad to read this article that concludes, “Children’s literature can’t solve these problems. But it creates an arena in which to dream, an essential redoubt for rational hope. And without hope, nothing good will come.” I have ordered one of the books in the article to read to my girls but in the meantime I’m sharing more of the Bible stories that our faiths share and all of my favorite books by one of my favorite rabbis.
One of my directees is asking big faith questions. Well, let me edit that. All of my directees are asking big faith questions and they are all such good questions to be asking. One of our conversations led to my wondering when they last wrote a statement of faith. I think I might have done this last when I was ordained but it’s not something I have attempted to do since. Since I asked the question, I’m wondering how I would articulate my faith now.
I’m not sure that my statement will be prose. I’m not sure words even say that I want to say about my faith right now but these essay writing guidelines from This I Believe are still helpful to begin to pinpoint what faith feels like now.
Another directee shared their simple practice of actually picking up the phone and calling a friend when that person crosses your mind. That same week I read this article about the friendship dip. I thought this was such a simple, lovely thing to do especially as it’s something that I’ve allowed time zones to take from me in our international move but I’m already delighted by remembering how much love there is in the world. We need more of it, I think.
I loved reading Marian Bull’s How to Do the Dishes which I confess I liked much better than when I read Barbara Brown Taylor finds washing the dishes to be prayer.
It has always been an arduous task for me. It is worse with our tiny kitchen in Germany. In her essay, Bull pushes us to consider how we deal with the mess. There is so much that is messy in life and so the question became how we find calm in the chaos. I’m not sure I’m practicing any of this yet but finding that I’m thinking about the mess with more hope.
Where are the you finding hope in the mess that remains? How are you relying on God this month? How might you describe your faith right now? What stories are held in that belief as the calendar turns into December?
If you are interested in spiritual direction and are interested in a first conversation with me, please reach out or go ahead and book an appointment here. I am currently welcoming new directees and would be delighted to explore the holy threads of this life with you.