This was supposed to be the year we returned to the United States as my husband’s military tour to Germany was meant to end but we decided to ask for another year. The Army thought this was a fine idea and are allowing us to stay.
It means some of the people that we have come to count upon are leaving. My children are experiencing their first real pangs of loss as their friends move to another duty station and we are talking a lot about change. Change is very much on my mind in this moment and I’m discerning which pieces I want to pick up and what could wait. There are old things that I’m having to deal with again too.
It feels a bit like a project. All of these pieces could fit but maybe they are scraps for another creation. Maybe they don’t go here but over there. It could be designed differently. It doesn’t even need to follow a pattern. Anything is possible and so everything feels a bit all over the place as I try to imagine how it will all come together.
Here are some odds and ends that I’m holding this month.
I’m thinking a lot about stories right now and how those stories shape the way that we dare to believe that God is working in our lives. It feels like I’ve heard every one of my directees utter some version of, “But this isn’t how it was supposed to go.” It’s a statement I’ve made about my own life recently as change is so much upon my little family and so I’m wondering how we experience God’s movement when there’s a break in the story we’ve convinced ourselves to be the only story.
It lead me to create this new free resource exploring the threads of sacred stories that I now offer to new subscribers of Prayer Threads. If you have been reading along with me for a while now (and thank you for sharing in these wonders with me), you didn’t get it so I wanted to share it with you here.
Speaking of sacred stories and bits of comfort and hope, I just loved this interview. I relate so much to this idea of being lost and yearning for something that I can’t quite name. I’m so grateful for the way that we are brave enough to share our whole hearts.
During the twelve days of Christmas, my family and I retreated to Ireland where nearly every local asked us, “Why are you here?” It was cold and rainy but we managed to get outside and see a whole lot of rainbows which was really, really exciting for my 4 and 6 year olds.
We went on a series of hikes or perhaps just longer walks (often in the rain) but it was glorious. Germany is cold and gloomy so that we spend more time in the winter hunkered down inside. We don’t push to go outside when we are home, not like when we are traveling. There is glory around every corner though and I need to remember that and actually go looking for it outside of my apartment even when my kids don't want to walk anymore.
I always ask for cookbooks for Christmas and so the weeks that follow are a deep dive into the gifts I have received. This year, I was thrilled to receive Dinners in One by Melissa Clark in which the surprise winner is this Wine Braised Mushrooms with Gnocchi. Both my husband and I devoured this bolognese-like feast. I don’t know why this blogger serves it over polenta. That’s way too many starches and it doesn’t need it. If anything, I’d add some spinach to add some greens. This cookbook is really a dream for weeknight cooks and has lots of wonderful things for family dinners though my kids refuse mushrooms. I can’t say I blame them though. I only learned to like them in the last 10 years.
January comes with the awareness that February is right around the corner and in those first few days of February, my mother died. It has been more than 30 years since she died but the anniversary still works over me and even after all these years I’m finding myself in a new season of grief. I’ve picked up Collette Broady Grund’s Grief Lectionary again to delve into this familiar unfamiliar territory. This resource is amazingly rich and I recommend it whether you opt for the self-guided study or the small group experience.
What odds and ends are on your metaphorical craft table right now? Where is God creating with you? How are you discerning what is part of this project and what can wait for the next? What are you thinking about change as the calendar turns into January?
If you are interested in spiritual direction and are interested in a first conversation with me, please reach out or go ahead and book an appointment here. I am currently welcoming new directees and would be delighted to explore the holy threads of this life with you.
Clearly I'm still learning and don't really know how to insert a podcast. If you are wondering, it's this one: https://onbeing.org/programs/nick-cave-loss-yearning-transcendence/